wikialityfandomcom-20200214-history
Crusades
''Note: This phrase has recently been placed on Stephen Colbert's The Do Not Say Board. He's not saying it any more, and neither should you. The Crusades was a war fully sanctioned by God, led by Stephen Colbert himself with a 100001% Catholic Seal of Approval. During this glorious war act of Godly retribution, millions of infidels, mooslims, Islamofacists, gays, bears, Joos and democrats were driven from Jesus's real estate, the Holy Land! How they occured In 666 AD, Mahmoud Admedi Mahamoud Ali Nejad bin Michael Moore began preaching Mooslism. The Roman empire tried to stop this teaching, but there so many democrats in the Roman government that they just simply didn't give a shit. The result was catastrophic - the vast mooslimization of the entire Middle East. From then onwards, the Middle East, Arabs, and Wars would be inseperable. At first, Most Mooslimists tolerated all religions. However, one particularly mad Arab by the name of Mahmoud Ahmedi Nejad in 1002 BC began persecuted God's own children and banned the Arab Republican Party, which was a failed horrible Roman attempt to introduce decent conservative values in to everyday Arab life. As a result, one man stood up to this tyranny - Stephen Colbert, God's choosen man to cleanse the land! The call for the chivalrous Before long, chruch bells in every European town (Europe in 1096 BC was still very christian and conservative) summoned warriors trained in the arts of war God's work to flock to the banner of Truthiness and preserve the Turthiness of Christianity in the Holy Land forever! Amen. Siege of Jerusalem Before long, Crusader armies finally reached Jerusalem and began laying siege to the Holy City. The various Infidels tried all sorts of cheasy cheap tricks to defend the city, such as cutting and running away (this didn't work well when they left the gates open), taking of their shoes and marching around the city, parying to the Devil and his democrats and many other corrupting things... The Crusader armies were constantly harassed by cowards and surrendery French soldiers, whom surrendered to the infidels rapidly, thus they made poor night guards. Worse still were Liberalists and those whom revealed their mooslimistic religious unholy beliefs. Only Stephen Colbert's God given powers revealed the faithless, whom were purged in almighty flame The siege reached a high point when a relief army of treacherous surrendery French (whom had deserted and betrayed the Crusaders) along with Arabs, Crapistanis and Jihadistanis marched towards the city. At this point, Stephen Colbert decides to launch a bold offensive, and in doing so, captures the city of Jerusalem. There is heavy fighting, and many infidels are cut down. Most of the Democrats who deserted to the infidel's side surrendered on the spot, but a few, like Mahmoud Ahmedi Mahmoud Ali Nejad bin Michale Moore's son refused to surrender, even as his surrendery French body guard surrendered. Just goes to show how damn smart he is to use the French. Finally, the city is taken. At this point, the relieving army arrives to find what was once their city of evil doings, now a city of justice. Stephen Colbert then used his God-given powers to smite the enemy and they were smote indeed. Success? Only a Godless sodomite would dare ask this question. Of course it was. Haven't you heard all of that latest death chanting by those terrorists? Israel is living proof of the success of the Crusades. Later Crusades Further successful crusades were launched against various infidels throughout the world. These include, but are not limited to: * World War 0 * World War 1 * World War 2 * World War 3 * Afghanistan * Iraq Of course, the more successful a crusade is, the more will follow up! Stand by folks for more crusades coming your way! We thank you for your patience and children.